When Harry Met Sally
When Harry met Sally Based on the communication styles listed in your text (Closed, Open, Hidden & Blind), please match a character to each of these styles. List the character, and then support your answer with a specific example. Closed Communication Style- Marie shows signs of representing a “closed communication style” because she spends most of her time in the film overly obsessed with a married man. She has a hard time recognizing the fact that he is married and stays in the “relationship” with him even though it has no clear destination.
Hidden Communication Style- I witnessed two examples of hidden communication thru out the movie. One example, when Harry is persistent about questioning Sally’s life and never really shares his own life experiences. Jess is another example of a hidden communicator. Jess was concerned about Harry not being happy when they were batting. He also showed that he was concerned about the progress of Harrys relationship and his emotional feelings while his marriage was disintegrating. Blind Communication Style-
From my understanding, blind communicators voice their opinions about how things should be done and have no problem with telling people what they have done wrong. The character that I think represented blind communication mostly throughout the film was Harry. Harry had the tendency to think his knowledge superseded everyone else when it came to relationships. For example, Harry criticized Sally on the way to the restaurant when they first met outside the college. He talked about her choice of career, and basically said that she will not know what to do when “her world comes crashing down” so to speak.
Open Communication Style- Based on my knowledge from the book, people that express all their feelings, emotions, life experiences and more are considered “open communicators”. Based on the conversations between Harry and Sally, I would have no choice but to say that Sally is classified as an open communicator. When Harry asked Sally at the restaurant who she had great sex with, at first she refused to tell him and only seconds later she rambled on and on about her sexual experience. Match a character to each of these conflict strategies? Give a specific example to support your answer.
Compromising- (Jess) In the movie Jess and Marie were having an argument over Jess’s table (whether or not to have it in their home). Marie did not want the table, Jess asked Harry what he thought and after Harry gave him his opinion Jess got rid of the table. Collaborating/Problem-Solving- (Harry) Harry spent a lot of time attempting to fix his relationship with Sally after their huge fight. He kept calling her and eventually sang to her over the answering machine when she did not pickup. Accommodating/smoothing-(Marie) In the movie Marie held a relationship with a married man.
She discarded her own feelings to make this guy happy, and he never once considered her feelings. She had this fantasy that he was going to leave his wife to be with her, but it reality he never intended to. Marie put her feelings last to make the so called relationship work. Avoiding/Withdrawal-(Sally) When Harry and Sally first met and were at the restaurant, Harry complimented Sally on her attractiveness. Sally, be loyal to her friend, immediately gets up and is ready to leave, because she knows that Harry is in a relationship with her friend.
In this example she is withdrawing herself from a situation, by avoiding the compliment. Competing/Forcing-(Harry) Harry is constantly debating his relationship knowledge with Sally in the movie. He is a very competitive individual and seems to always have the need to be “right”. Provide 3 signs of poor listening seem throughout the film. Provide ways that their listening could be improved. One sign of poor listening that I remember, was each time Marie talked about her boyfriend and Sally tried to tell her that the he would never leave his wife; Marie appeared to listen but refused to take the advice to leave him.
She could of maybe did some compare and contrast to her relationship and others to realize that Sally was right. If she would have listened to her, she would have saved herself the emotional rollercoaster and maybe could have found a man sooner. The second sign of poor listening was when the two couples were exiting the restaurant from their double date. Harry and Sally both expressed, separately, to Jess and Marie that it would be better for them to wait to call each other to protect the feelings of Harry and Sally.
Jess and Marie obviously couldn’t wait to be together, so they got in the first cab they saw and drove away together. This illustration of poor listening could have been improved if Jess and Marie took Harry and Sally’s advice and waited a little bit to see each other again. The third sign of poor listening I witnessed was during one of Harry and Sally’s many conversations. He told her that it was merely impossible for a woman and a man to be friends. He stated that sexual relations would basically occur no matter what.
Sally eventually forgot about, (and Harry as well “having no recollection”). Physical Barriers to effective listening Throughout the movie I saw quite a few examples that could be defined as physical barriers. One of them was when Harry and Jess were discussing Harry’s marriage issues during the football game. Also when the two of them were batting cages at the same time as they were discussing Harry and Sally’s relationship issues. Both of these scenarios could have prevented effective listening by distraction of physical barriers. Personal Barriers to effective listening
Harry was unable to concentrate after seeing his ex with her new partner. Harry was completely distracted and wasn’t even able to hear Jess, Marie, or Sally talking to him about the table. Gender Barriers to effective listening When Harry and Sally were driving to New York and they had discussed Casa Blanca and the end of the film when the lady was boarding the plane, Harry expressed that the woman should stay for sex. Semantic Barriers to effective listening Harry told the waitress that Sally was with him. In my opinion he was just telling her that they would be sitting together.
However, sally took it the wrong way and expressed her thoughts aloud and said that they she was not with him. What is your own conflict management style? Give an example that supports your style. Have you been guilty of any of the signs of poor listening? What will you do in the future to improve your listening? I would have to say that my conflict management style is the Competing style. To my understanding, people who hold this style tend to be extremely assertive to achieve their goals. I have the tendency to be what some would call “sneaky”.
I tend to elevate my own argument and conceal my goals to let the opposing side think they are ahead. For example, I currently hold a sales position. As we all know the sales industry is very competitive. My employer often has rewards and bonuses for the top sales performers of the month. I like to “fake” people out and make them think that I am not doing so hot on my sales so they will think I am behind them on the ranking. This way, once they think they have beaten me, their effort will slowly decline and there I am still banking on my sales.
Being in the sales field I do need to have attentive listening skills so I can read between the lines and let the customer know exactly what they need. I’m positive that at one point we have all been guilty of poor listening skills. Maybe for example in the drive-thru when they read back your order and you just automatically say that is correct because you have been sitting there for 10 minutes already, and then when you get your food and it’s not what you ordered but it is exactly what is on the receipt. In the future I will continue to build my listening skills buy getting clarity from individuals and clients.
