The bear ruled over the land with all his might

Once upon a time there were two spacious lands separated by a great wall. One of the lands had an oppressive and dictatorial bear and the other one was ruled by a greedy and cruel tiger. The bear ruled over the land with all his might and power and did not look after the needs of the red mice in his dominion. The greedy and cruel tiger remained neglectful of the blue mice citizenry.

At dawn all the mice, both red and blue, in each land would wake up and start working hard on their lands. You could see the joy and cheer on their faces as they trim the trees and water the plants.

At noontime, the mice had the routine job of gathering the finest fruits for their masters—the tiger and the bear. However, it seemed that the tiger and the bear had no feeling of satiety, for every time the mice offered them the finest fruits of their land, the tiger would swiftly glance at the bountiful fruits and look up to the other side of the wall saying, “I wish I could have what is behind that wall. I think I deserve more than the fruits of this land.”

In the same manner, every time the red mice would offer their bear the fruits of their toil, the bear thought to himself saying, “I am the mighty bear and mighty bears rule the largest lands.” It did not take very long before the bear approached the great wall and in all curiosity peeped inside a small hole on the wall to see what was behind it. The tiger also approached the wall and saw the bear and his land, which was similar to the tiger’s land.

Because of the bear’s covetousness, the land on the other side of the fence looked so alluring and enticing. In all bravado, he beamed, “This is my land and you all must be under my control.”  Suddenly an old eagle with resonating light and long white wings came from blue sky and said, “You can not do this to each other.  You scare the mice and disrespect the walls. “Who cares about the mice?” the bear replied pointing his hand to all the land saying, “This is my land.”  The tiger roared at the eagle and in an instant scratched and wounded the eagle’s right wing with his sharp long claws.

This made the eagle bleed profusely. Suddenly the resonating light vanished and both lands looked so gloomy. The sky turned into red with overcast black shadows as the two leaders broke into a vicious fight. In an instant, both the tiger and bear were locked in each other’s mighty claws, biting and fiercely wrestling each other. They ordered their own mice to fight the other troops and a deadly battle ensued.

After the air had cleared, most of the mice on both camps were dead. However, the bear and the tiger were only slightly injured. In the end, the two leaders ruled over their land that stayed weak and beaten with a few mice to lead. This left the tiger and the bear puzzled over what led them to destroy each other’s kingdom instantly in a fit of rage.

 

Writing Quality

Grammar mistakes

D (61%)

Synonyms

B (84%)

Redundant words

C (77%)

Originality

100%

Readability

C (78%)

Total mark

B

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