Small Towns Big City
Costumes Bring out Different Personalities Pulling up in the parking lot there are small groups of people crowded around getting out of their cars and preparing to enter the building, there is laughter and talking throughout the parking lot leading up to the building. Everyone is dressed in costumes for the theme of the party; there are mummies, zombies, cartoon characters, fairies, devils, musicians, super Heroes, cowboys and cowgirls, and many more. Everyone wearing a costume seems to present a more outgoing and somewhat “false” personality relevant to the character or thing that their costume is portraying.
As we walk closer to the entrance from the parking lot you can hear the music, and the noise of the people inside. The music is loud and draws a crowd towards the doors. When we arrive at the entrance to the building there is a lady about five feet five inches tall with light brown shoulder length hair wearing a cowgirl outfit, standing behind a booth, checking Identification to ensure everyone who enters is at least twenty one years of age, and also collecting the entrance fee from each person. She’s talking with a fake country accent that helps add character to her costume.
Her personality is bubbly and welcoming; it sets the tone for what the atmosphere is inside the building. There is another person at the entrance, a man standing beside her he is tall about six foot five or so, he has short brown hair and is wearing a uniform shirt instead of a costume. His personality is more calm and natural; I feel that this is because he is not in a costume so he doesn’t have the same ramp up as the others who are in costume have. He checks everyone’s bags for weapons, alcohol, and anything that would not be permitted inside the building.
He then places a paper bracelet around each person wrist to identify that they have been checked through security, and are permitted to enter the building, this also helps the bartenders identify that the person they might be serving alcohol to have been verified as over the age of twenty one. When we walk in the front door the noise of laughing, talking and the music has gotten much louder, it is now clear what the atmosphere in the building is, there are people everywhere, talking, drinking, and having a good time, it seems fun and relax, entertainment is everywhere.
No matter what direction you turn there are so many different smells, but with the huge crowed of people the strongest of all the smells would by far be the body odor. Straight ahead as soon as you walk in the door there is a bar where a bar tendered dressed in a devil costume stands taking orders and making drinks, she seems busy and more mute then the rest of the employees, but every once in awhile she will scowl in a fun way at someone in character to her costume.
There is a large line of people surrounding the bar waiting for their turn they are all laughing and some are even in a playful mood using props to their costumes as weapons to battle with each other. To the left is a long table of people, a dance floor, and a DJ station. Looking to the right there is more small grouped tables, restrooms, and a door to an outside area where people are smoking and talking. There is a group of people standing outside dressed as the ghost buster crew, they are all acting out scenes from the movie, they are sure to stay in full character through the entire scene.
Their enthusiasm is entertaining to say the least, and it draws a crowd of people. Others start to join their lead, there is a small group of pirates that are also sward fighting and talking in accents that suggest their characters. The outside atmosphere is more playful then inside and is also a little quieter. Overall everyone is having a good time and the theme of the party is in honor of the holiday Halloween.
There is costume contest that everyone was encouraged to enter, it seems to ramp up the excitement throughout the building, everyone begins to gather around the stage. They had everyone who entered the costume contest line up on stage one by one. The costumes were judged by the crowed in a scale of how loud their yelling was. As each person was presented in the line of contestants they acted in a way to present the character of their costumes. There was a woman dressed up as a lion tamer, and another woman with her dressed as a lion.
They acted out a scene when it was their turn on stage. The tamer attempted to tame the wild lion while the lion persistently tried to attack the tamer. As the night goes on the atmosphere changes, everyone has obviously had a lot more to drink and the levels of intelligence have diminished. As I look to my left by the dance floor I see a fight between two girls, there are shoes flying, and a crowd of people quickly gathering to get in on the action. This is now becoming an atmosphere that I may not want to be in for much longer.
Although the festivities are quiet entertaining and adrenaline is pumping with every move from the dance floor it is now clear that the night is almost over. As the bouncers approach the crowed they move through aggressively to break up the fight, and sort out what has happened. I watch intently to see the damages that are done its almost sad how entertaining this has become. Once the fight has been broken up, those involved in the fight, and the bouncers all leave out of the building, the party then goes on.
The DJ makes an announcement that this will be the last song and the party will soon end. As the last song comes to an end the crowd of people being to leave out the front door. Everyone is still playful and maintain their characters as they gather around their vehicles and begin to reverse the entire process. Overall the night was entertaining to say the least the costumes created an atmosphere that was out of the normal and would most likely not have existed if it wasn’t for the costume and the theme of the party. Clear and engaging introduction that clearly states a strong thesis: 14/20 While engaging and full of detail, there is no clear thesis or map. Something like, “this was a great party because of the atmosphere, the costumes, and the mood” would have worked. Clearly established supporting details, in the form of observations, that support your thesis: 15/20 There are lots of supporting details, but because the framework is missing, it is unclear what those details support. Transitions and Topic Sentences: 15/20
Don’t forget topic sentences at the start of every major point. They need to provide a transition, a connection to the thesis, and the topic/point of the paragraph/section. Therefore, when you start discussing atmosphere something like “Another reason why the party was so much fun was the atmosphere” would have worked.
