Practical Psychology for Everyday Life
I think one of the most important concepts I learnt from the lecture is the effect and influence of the non-verbal behaviors and language, but the people mostly lack of awareness on them and create misunderstanding even discontent among all of us. These non-verbal behaviors seem to be non-significant in our everyday life, but they do play a key role in daily communication. Even though non-verbal communication could only express simple thoughts and feelings, it indicates the true ideas and emotions.
As verbal language sometime different from what we really think, for example, lying and overstating are typical models, these behaviors build up more barriers and obstacles between peoples. Thus, understanding of these non-verbal behaviors helps us express us more clearly and beneficial for our relationships. Non-verbal behaviors appear everywhere, every moment; even though they are common, but we did not pay much attention. And it leads to mismatch of verbal and non-verbal behavior creating ambiguity, the original idea could not be sent.
In the past, when I was talking to others, I used to look at anywhere but not the one I was chatting with, no matter teachers or classmates. Because of this strange behavior, I was viewed as an ill-mannered student. It took me years to realize and solve it. In this situation, even though I thought I was talking with my teachers with the most polite language I knew, but my non-verbal behavior crumbled it. It is also a typical problem nowadays youth might have, as electronic gadgets become part of our life, most of us may focus on the smartphone in hand but not the friends around.
Thus, the non-verbal behaviors reflect our manner, but lack of attention of these behaviors would be a worrying trend. Moreover, the non-verbal behaviors are indicators of our true feelings. In the past I wondered that how my sister could catch me when I was lying all the time. But later on, I discover that when I tell lies, I often shake my head. If we take a closer look to these minor behaviors, it would be easier to find others’ true feelings and what they try to hide. It is also eneficial for our daily communication. All in all, the non-verbal behavior should match with the verbal language, if we want to express ourselves to other, so other would get our ideas clearly, it avoids the unnecessary arguing and guessing and helps us contact with others more efficiently. Thus, non-verbal behavior should be taken a higher level of consideration. (Words for Q1: 420) Self-discrepancy could be varies as three major self- perceptions: actual self, ideal self and ought self.
This divergence defines us and shapes our personality as we seek unity of these three perceptions. The actual self represents the true qualities we acquired and what we really are. Despite this, some of us may omit it and pursue the ideal self, the ultimate qualities we desire. Besides that, ought self indicates the qualities that we should grab. Inspired by my mum, a lady who strongly influenced by the traditional ideas. Once suffered in the mismatch of ought self and actual self. She married a man who did not love her, leading to another unfortunate marriage.
This man gambled and lost my mum’s hard-earned money, he get drunk every night and creating more domestic-violence. In this circumstance, it is definitely that she should seek help and leave him. But in the struggle between her actual self – the desire to leave and ought self – the responsibility of a wife, her wavering brings more pain and sadness. In this case, the actual self of my mum falls short of her ought self, mixing the influence of the tradition ideas, she feels guilty when she tried to leave him.
Besides that, the guilty remains even she left him for years, it lowers her self-esteem and makes her more fragile. From my mum’s experience, it reflects that the diversity between ought self and actual self can be deeply affect and change one’s life. Apart from the ought self, the ideal self seems to be the ultimate goal of one’s actual self, but everyone has their own limit. In the past, I was forced to learn how to play piano because of my mum’s will. It was a difficult time for me as I found that I had no interest on piano or other instruments.
In fact, I did try my best at the very beginning, but my fingers refused to dance on the piano keys but stomped on it. Later on, my mum started pushing me to play piano day by day, but the result just disappointing as usual. After several months, the monthly-long unsatisfactory outcome depressed me, at the same time, my academic results was declining as well. It illustrated the consequence caused by actual self fails to catch up with ideal self. Thankfully, my class teacher discovered it and discussed it with my mum, the piano measure was lifted and everything was back to normal.
Thus, the objective we establish should be achievable and relevant with our own abilities and our actual self. The draw-backs of forcing yourself to do impossible tasks could be unrecoverable. In conclude, understanding of self is the prerequisite for success, even though the desires and obligations may affect us. With the acknowledgement of ourselves, we erase our anxiety and take the duty. We find what our limits are and accept it and it pave the way to success.
