Mother and Mom
Though I admit the title of this essay is a bit generic and you have the right to assume “oh the author must be a mother’s boy” or “another essay for the mother’s day propaganda”. In this case my reminisce of my mother in the actual body of the text is not filled with only meager sentimentality or a message that we should all love our mothers, it is based on two convictions that are based off of thousands of years of painful human evolution.
My first conviction is that the discovery of new knowledge can only come from the re-discovery of pre-existing knowledge- thus anything that you knew or already knew about the importance of our mothers that happens to be in the text will become new to you. My second conviction is that we take for granted what helps us, hurts us, and originates us. And since I brought up the word sentimentality I will bring my third conviction!
We can’t always look at life from a purely philosophical basis, though the philosophical basis is important for thinking, we must not forget those precious moments and experiences we share with our mothers when we were kids (that is if you had a loving mother- which unfortunately my mother didn’t). Thinking too much in a purely rigid philosophical-scientific basis causes us to be antisocial. From my experiences thinking too much in a purely sentimental way only makes us miss the past and scorn the future. Where on earth is that which makes me credible to state these convictions?
Where can these convictions, be even discovered? They originate from most privileged people’s domain, only made possible by man’s discovery of fire- it is a place that comes alive when used and to the living acts as a double polarizable monism, its shape being a spiral- the kitchen. Every morning I would wake up completely focused and hell-bent on my tasks. I would ravage my somewhat clean but slightly disorganized room for clothes to wear. I would in haste make my simple but sometimes incomplete breakfast as I think of G-d, homework deadlines, and delude myself with my dreams and aspirations.
As I am eating on the squeaky clean glass kitchen table, sitting on a chair covered in plastic, in the periphery of my eye I would see my mom or I would hear the sound of her flippers distinctly pattering on the granite tile in the kitchen. Sometimes I am quite nervous when I am around her, especially if I forget to clean some forgettable part of the kitchen. When the kitchen is dirty, or a section of the kitchen is dirty, in the morning, she can be either calm about it and tell us to clean what we missed, but sometimes she can explode on me and my younger sister.
She would yell at us as if we have done some sort of criminal act. By habit my younger sister and I would make sure that the kitchen is clean before we go to bed to prevent our mom from being angry at us. But when my mom comes in the kitchen- as I feel the anticipation of her approval of the kitchen- and she accepts our work in the kitchen- the exact opposite of her authoritarian spirit comes out and it can be the most beautiful thing I can ever experience.
This is how I live every day in my home- studying and cleaning the kitchen. The moment after I finish this essay…. Just guess it- I will be cleaning the kitchen. If I clean the kitchen every day how is it that I can forget to clean some forgettable part of the kitchen a rank more than occasionally? Is this the nature of man? He forgets and gets punished by Mother Nature herself. I forget to clean some part of the kitchen and I get punished by my mother.
To be yelled at by my mother is humbling- it arrests my large as life ego, and renders my philosophy and view of life as meaningless. No philosophy can save me, all it does is make me live in my own world- not to the tasks and betterment of other people. This is the law of the re-education of cleaning the kitchen. Just as religious people re-educate themselves of the laws of the bible every Saturday or Sunday- the law of the re-education of cleaning the kitchen holds true- but instead of once a week it is every day.
As Mother Nature has been punishing to mankind (if you read the news you know what I mean) it has been equally loving and forgiving, to enable us to experience life and allow us to even violate it’s laws- intentionally or not- only to realize what we have done, and to come back tearfully to our true pure selves. After being rattled by my mom, yelling at me to clean the kitchen, it is hard to remember that she had a loving side to her- if she had a loving side at all. After cleaning that pesky, forgettable part of the kitchen- forgiveness, love, and kindness came.
Thus is the love that encounters and embraces everything. My mommy can give the kindest, most real, greeting I have ever known. Even though she gives us kind greetings and positive connotations almost regularly it still has a powerful impact on my spirit every time she gives positive reinforcement. When I was a baby my mom would call me “Love” so she could cope with not getting angry with me as a baby and toddler- even as a teenager she still gives me the nickname
“Love.” I was the only child she had that screamed at sonically high frequencies, regressed back to potty training when my younger sister was born, wanted to be tended to every waking minute, and escaped the house via garage(when I was three years old) to be found in a construction site with a red hat on top of my head. As a result my mom lost her health along with her temper, but she always made it her mission to be as kind to me, my older and younger sister, and allow us to pursue any path we want to take in life without interceding.
I would compare my mom’s pattern of communication and mine to a spiral. I can tell that my mom tries to give us as much positive feedback as possible and to reduce or eliminate all negative feedback. She would theatrically lecture us on the use of positive feedback. As a pattern in the morning or as she is taking me to school she would be extremely kind by calling me by my nickname and telling me how happy she is to see me in college- in return I would tell her how happy I am to be in college and other endless miscellaneous subject matter that I can’t remember well enough to put on paper.
Then when evening approaches some anxiety trickles in like a leaky faucet. My mom, though not going Mrs. Commando on us, would remind us to make sure to clean the kitchen, but she would make sure we listen very well, when we are doing homework or trying to make ourselves busy (I find that interruption terribly annoying). However, for my mom to tell us to clean the kitchen like a disciplinarian is absolutely necessary- because truthfully we wouldn’t have done the task if she didn’t remind us to do it- leading us back to the law of the re-education of cleaning the kitchen.
I would even find this pattern when I communicate to my mom, dad, younger, and older sister. When I communicate to my dad for example I am very sociable with him. We would have a positive exchange by showing or talking about our findings on music, movies, and other goofy things. But when I get busy with homework I have to tell him in haste, “Sorry, I have to get to work”. Only recently did I find out that my father felt it to be slightly negative and antisocial.
This made me discover that we can only be slightly one way, or extremely different, turn into our opposite, and never find a true, absolute, and perfect balance in communication and other things in life in general. This statement seems even more apparent when I am around my family members 24/7. Nobody is perfect. We see what is opposite to ourselves and what enables our existence all the time. Kids at a young age imitate their parents- we are all a product of our environment. Then we look in the mirror to see what the environment has made out of us- beautiful, different, and unique individuals.
To find the perfect balance is to erase ourselves from existence- we would not be seen in the mirror- only the background environment. I always thought the struggle was to become permanently perfect forever- make your plan and you will achieve your goals. It is actually to constantly rebuild yourself after failure throughout life- this is what my mom showed me-like a spiral. This helped me find internal peace. Why can’t the kitchen stay clean? We use kitchen. Kitchen gets dirty. We clean kitchen again. We use kitchen. Kitchen gets dirty. We clean kitchen again…
