Marital Conflicts and the Resolutions

Our marriage is in one of the most critical moments of our lives; in fact it is between a rock and a hard place. It has now been six years since we got married in one of the most colorful church weddings I have ever witnessed.

It is not that we have not gone through some minor conflicts previously, but at least we were able to resolve them immediately by counselors, friends, our pastors and ourselves.

The previous disagreements had to do with our monthly spending, pressure from our parents, time to arrive home and our choice of friends among other issues. At present, things have escalated from being bad to worse, with no signs of a possible solution at the horizon.

Before we got married, I had vividly known that my fiancée at that time was a committed Seventh Day Adventist though I am a member of the Assemblies of God Church, an evangelical group of the Protestant church.

Our parents, friends and the best couple had asked us if we foresaw any future collision since our churches’ doctrines were different; our answer then was a big no. We believed that our love for each other would conquer any disputes that would arise in our marriage.

My wife’s father is a very staunch Adventist; in fact, one of the senior elders at the local church and had never had the thought that any of his five children would ever desert the church which he helped found; an action that made him become respected in the entire locality. My wife loves his father so much and thus has no intent of betraying him.

Being an evangelical, a born again Christian and the head of my family, I am not comfortable with the idea of having a divided family with my wife attending church on Saturday making her not attend to her domestic and marital duties from six in the morning to six in the evening (according to their beliefs). On the other hand, I attend church services on Sundays and other fellowships on the weekdays.

The conflict is arising from the fact that we do not agree in very many issues that pertain to the different doctrines that the two groups advocate for. My wife does not eat pork or any related products; she does not take either tea or coffee for to her both are drugs, classifying them in the same group with tobacco or marijuana.

My wife and I are both civil servants, my wife working with the department of Education and I as an army officer though at the moment I am on the study leave enrolled in the University in an undergraduate program.

We have two daughters, Shari and Shako aged five and three respectively. It is our obligation as parents to bring them up in a way that is honorable so that they can become great members of the society. What makes me uncomfortable about our religious differences is because our little children look confused (especially the elder one). Sometimes they go to church on Saturdays and on Sundays; to their mother’s and father’s churches respectively.

The older daughter has severally asked me why I do not go to their mother’s church and she has, I suppose, asked her mum a similar question. She has made me understand that her friends usually go to church with their both parents and looking at her anxious face, it is obvious that she will be very happy if we would start doing the same.

My greatest desire is for us to attend the same church for the sake of our unity and our children. Since I have never thought of myself becoming an Adventist and have always regarded myself incompatible with their doctrines (that I find very conservative) and because our church is a bit liberal, I have severally suggested that we choose a neutral church where we would all be attending together with our children but she has categorically stated that this would only happen “over her dead body”. This definitely explains why I am a stressed man.