Final Project: Personal Narrative

Over the past five years the purpose and meaning for my life has developed into an empathetic, caring, responsible person. I am in the process of fulfilling a mission to help others deal with life’s situations, circumstances, and issues without the use of alcohol and drugs. My life began as the 18th of 20 siblings, which was not an easy assignment for me. I had to hold the position as “the baby” for seven years before my baby sister was born. This was the beginning of the development of my personality that I possessed over time through experience and my environment.

The infancy stage of my life was filled with glory and gloom as parents and siblings gave praises to me,” The Baby”. I was always catered to and showered with gifts of love and affection. Until one day, something happened. People was walking by me to get to the baby, this small “something” which my mother kept bundled up until the next visitor came by with oohs, ahhs, and compliments of praises for “it”. As Caldonia replaced my glory, I was determined to be doomed for life. In spite of others’ sympathy for me, I felt like something was wrong with me. I developed the sense that I did something wrong, and something was wrong ith me. I had lost confidence in myself and others and trust was broken. I became resentful and felt neglected as if no one loved me any longer. I developed personality traits of introversion/extroversion, friendly/ unfriendly, and became a loner. The fluctuation of my feelings towards the baby, my mother, my family, and the world were internalized feelings of the pain I felt. Feelings of inferiority overwhelmed me. Upon entering first grade, in early childhood, I developed a different perspective with this interactionism with other children.

I was taller than my peers and after being picked on by older iblings, I felt like this was my opportunity to stand up to someone. As anxious as I was to be aggressive, I just could not bully the friends that were so small and friendly. This humanistic view of motivation, influenced by my mother’s voice in Christian discipline statements such as, “don’t do her like that”, “that is not fair”, “play fair” and “be kind to each other” helped shape my personality at this life stage. I developed a personality of conscientiousness from my mother disciplining us on our behavior. As I matured to adolescence, I developed the personality traits of greeableness, and risk taking. By early adolescence I very much agreed with adults when I was told, “you are too big to play with little Sandra”, “you are too big to be in third grade” and constantly asked, “how old are you? ” I decided to play with the boys and play as the boys. Why not? I was just as big and tall as the boys and was too big to play with girls, as I was told. The schemas of my personality were shaped accordingly. My personal construct was the images of the behaviors that I felt was appropriate from the perspective of my self-image and from others’ perspective.

My life was consistent to Erikson’s basic philosophy: “the world gets bigger as we go along and failure is cumulative. ” During my early teens, I experienced physical changes, which was natural at this life stage, yet I was uncomfortable with. I had reached puberty. At puberty, I was developing faster than my friends and this fast maturity made me feel uncomfortable with myself again. My father made sexual advances towards me. I then developed a self-concept as worthiness to someone and became promiscuous. At this time other girls were courting and had “boyfriends” and I was rying so hard to be loved and accepted. By age 15, I became involved with a 20-year-old family friend, three months later we were married. We had a very beautiful wedding on my family home’s front porch. I was such a beautiful bride. This was the first time that I felt such beauty, since Caldonia was born. I felt the love and warmth of my husband and the wedding congregation. I was loved and accepted.

My husband was considerate and kind the first six months, however became violent and abusive. He drank beer only on weekends, and eventually started drinking liquor and wine. By his time I was pregnant with our first child and become a high school drop-out. 18 months later I gave birth to our daughter. I was seeking my identity as a wife, mother, and young adult. I was only 18 years old married and had given birth to two children. I was very confused about my individuality and the role to play in my situation. It was easy for me to substitute ideals for experience. After seven years of abuse and three children, I could no longer cope. I covered up all of my problems with a new love. I became addicted to crack cocaine. After four years of chasing the igh, I was arrested and sent to jail. I underwent treatment and stayed clean and sober for almost six years and started using again. By this time I am mother of six and in another abusive relationship with the father of my later two children. I had relived my marriage with the same patterns of alcoholism and abuse. I turned; again, to the same method of dealing with the circumstances, I started using drugs again. This time my incarceration was longer and required extensive substance abuse treatment. I entered this program with an open-mind and willingness to change. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Currently, in middle adulthood I am more conscientious and have direction and goals for my life. I have developed personality traits of being a good mother/grandmother (generativity). I want to help others and I have a gift to give. I am no longer absorbed into the selfishness of myself. According to Harder (2009), based on Erikson’s Ego Development Outcome, “the significant task of this stage of life is to perpetuate culture and transmit values through the family (taming the kids) and working to establish a stable environment. ” The development of my personality has the responsibility of many counterparts.

Factors such as culture, religion, society, family, high and low life-points, and gender has played a role in the shaping of my personality. However, real acceptance of the self has been the most persuasive. My life has had its ups and downs. However, I would not change none of its episodes. I feel as if everything has happened exactly the way it was supposed to happen for me to be in the position I am in today. My mission is to become a Substance Abuse Counselor to help the next person who is struggling with ways to deal with and accept life on life’s terms, as I have.