A Reflection Upon My Childhood Upbringing

Parenting styles can have a large influence on adult lives. In this paper, I will discuss the parenting style applied to me by my mother, and the effect it has had upon me in later years. My mother’s parenting style would fall under the “permissive” category.

The permissive parenting type is characterized by warm feelings toward the child that lean towards over indulgement. The parent exercises little control over the child, and also grants high autonomy. The child is allowed to make their own decisions from a very young age.

The permissive parenting style that my mother used with me can be clearly seen throughout my childhood. For example, I never can remember a time when my mother said “no.”  We could go to a local store, and I would always emerge with a new toy. I only had to mention what I wanted once, and it was mine.

Anything I put on my Christmas list was bound to be under the tree. My mother always wanted me to have the best of everything. I never had to commit to anything. If I wanted to play ball, my mother signed me up and bought the best equipment. If I wanted to quit the next week, that was fine. She never questioned my decisions. I was made to think that I could do no wrong.

I believe that my mother chose this parenting style because it was the exact opposite of how she was raised. My grandparents were extremely hard on her. She was made to feel that she had to earn their love.

She was never given the greatest new toy or the best clothes. When she did convince them that she wanted to play softball, there was no mention of quitting. They never would have allowed it, because that would have been a waste of money. It also would have meant to my grandparents that she did not follow through on an “obligation.” They never would have stood for that.

They allowed her to be friends with children they approved, and they picked out the college she attended. It was only when she met my dad that she was able to break free. My grandparents forbid her to see him, but they ran away and were married. Because of the pressure and control my grandparents exerted upon her, I think my mother always had it in her mind to be as different from them as possible. She was miserable growing up, so she wanted the easiest life possible for me.

My mother’s permissive style did not prepare me for life very well. It took a while for me to learn that I could not have everything I wanted once I was on my own. When I did not have the money for the latest gadget on the market, I felt deprived. Granted, I could have just asked mom for it, but I somehow had a sense that I should provide for myself. I just really did not know how to go about it.

I would get a job, and I would quit if someone made me mad. Of course, mom is proud of everything I do. I guess that explains why I was so surprised when the “real world” did not love my every deed. I felt let down when I did not receive praise, and angry when improvement was suggested. While my mom had the best of intentions, I often wish that she had pushed me a bit more and not have been so permissive. That would have prepared me much more for real life.